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Brand New

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Categories: Poetry

This is a brand new poem, as opposed to the recycled old crap I’ve been posting:

A Hall of Mirrors

 

My face in your face

The light in your eyes

Dancing and twirling

Growing, alive

A hall of mirrors reflecting me

 

Shards of glass

Silver and black

Injure and cut

Years of bad luck

A hall of mirrors protecting me

 

Wrinkles and bags

Time’s been unkind

Disease and old age

Inevitable fate

A hall of mirrors infecting me

 

Circles and rings

Forever’s the thing

Betrothed and betrayed

You gave me away

A hall of mirrors rejecting me

 

Faces of friends

Lovers pretend

Once long-lost

And now again

A hall of mirrors connecting me

 

Merging of id

Conflicts within

Shadows and glass

Handful of ash

A hall of mirrors inspecting me

 

Playing of games

Avoid and evade

Questions, no answers

Marvelous tack

A hall of mirrors deflecting me

 

Slap on the hand

Sterner rebuke

Slap to the face

Farcical truth

A hall of mirrors correcting me

 

Lust in my eye

Love in my heart

Could be the end

Rebirth, renew

A hall of mirrors selecting me

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The Closest Thing He Has

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Categories: Poetry

The closest thing he has

is fading away.

The closest thing he has

is turning grey.

 

The closest thing he has

made him see the light.

The closest thing he has

is picking a fight.

 

The closest thing he has

now wants you.

The closest thing he has

has something to do.

 

The closest thing he has

is a ruiner.

The closest thing he has

doesn’t love her.

 

The closest thing he has

has torn out his heart,

and ripped it in two.

 

The closest thing he has

he has not.

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Srsly?

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Categories: Rant

It’s snow, people. It happens every fucking year in Northern Illinois. How do you ignorant fucks forget how to drive in it, EVERY FUCKING YEAR!@#

Here are my winter driving tips for those of you who have also forgotten how to drive in a quarter inch of snow:

  1. Know what your car can do. This is probably the most important rule of driving, whether it’s winter or not. Inevitably, I will get passed on the highway by someone in an SUV with four-wheel drive. Also inevitably, I will see an SUV with four-wheel drive in the ditch at least once on my commute (yesterday there were five of them). Just because your vehicle has four-wheel drive or “traction control,” doesn’t meet the vehicle manufacturer has given you carte blanche to drive like a jackass.
  2. Pay attention. This seems like a no-brainer, but plenty of people have no brains. If you’re holding your cell phone up to your head, putting on make-up or, heaven help me, reading the goddamned newspaper while you’re driving, what you’re really doing is driving while you do one of those things. People that do this shit are lucky that I want to live to see my daughter grow up. Otherwise, I’ve half a mind to immediately prepare for ramming speed. I think Jim Morrison said it best: “Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel.”
  3. Slow down. Look, I like to drive fast too, but if there’s snow on the ground, you need to slow down. I’m not saying you need to do 35 on the interstate, but at least tick it down 5 mph. There’s nothing more frustrating than seeing some douchebag flying down the road only to cause problems later. Think of someone other than yourself for a moment, you dumb prick.

>end rant<

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One Little Victory

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Categories: Uncategorized

I now weigh 219 pounds. I have lost my first pound on my quest to become “A Shape Other Than Round.” Yay! This despite not attending 100% of my scheduled workout sessions. I’m sure that the weather this week will stifle my plans for working out just about every day, but I’ll keep plugging away at it. Huzzah!

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No Berets Or Poofy Shirts Here

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Categories: Poetry

I am a poet, I guess. Maybe I used to be. Anyway, I came across an archive of my old poems a while ago and decided that I might as well share them.

My inaugural post is dedicated to my friend Allison (as is the poem) who took the time to type up my collected poems and save them to floppy for me. Thanks, AJM!

And for the record, I never said I was a good poet. 🙂

Just For You (AJB)

I wrote this just for you;

it seems you’re finally getting your due.

I’ve heard what people say,

but I just don’t see it that way;

what they’ve said of you,

ain’t none of it true.

It pisses me off;

it makes me mad,

but maybe they’re just jealous

of the kick-ass times we’ve had.

 

Know this my friend,

as I write this to you,

(and listen real good, ’cause, as we all know,

everything I say is true):

 

You’re a real good friend,

and pretty damn cool too.

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Progress, Of A Sort

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Categories: Uncategorized

So I got on the scale this morning…

It’s the same scale I weighed myself at the beginning of my exercise adventure. I was wearing the same clothes and it was roughly the same time of day.

My weight was exactly the same too: 220 pounds.

I consider this “one little victory.”

I had a snafu last week that caused me to miss a day of working out in an already-shortened week. Thanksgiving and all the indulgence thereof was last week. Yet I didn’t gain any weight. This is a good thing.

More to the point, I fell pretty good about myself. It’s only a week into the quest, but so far, so good.

Sweet dreams, world. I’ll catch you later.

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A Shape Other Than Round

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Categories: Uncategorized

I weigh 220 pounds according to my scale at home. This is unacceptable.

Those of you knew me in high school may recall that I used to weigh 145 pounds. A little quick math reveals that in the last decade or so, I have added almost another half of myself to, umm, myself. And not where it counts, either.

My waist has expanded from 30 inches to 40, 38 in a “relaxed fit” (read: fat guy) jean. My neck has mushroomed from 15 inches to damned near 18.

My blood pressure is on the low end of hypertensive and my resting heart rate is right around 90 beats per minute. I get winded climbing a flight of stairs. I probably could not finish a mile run anymore, much less do it in 7 and a half minutes (my previous normal time).

I used to be able to bench press my own weight (145 pounds). Now I can’t bench half that. I would probably die if I tried to bench my current weight.

I, of course, understand that I’m almost 30 years old and that trying to compare my physical condition now to what it was when I was 16 or 17 is asinine. I am not a professional athlete, nor do I expect to be one. (My dreams of being the starting center for the New York Rangers will have to be fulfilled vicariously through my daughter.)

So why am I telling you all this? My hope is that by sharing with the world, maybe, just maybe, I’ll get a few words of encouragement. (Yes, I’m fishing.) Perhaps by making myself partially accountable to the community at large, it will keep me honest and committed to my course of action.

So what is my course of action? What is my goal? To be blunt it’s this: to be a shape other than round. I hope to lose a pound a week. At that very achievable rate, I will hit my desired weight of 165 pounds in a little over a year.

I started my quest today. I got up at 4:30 AM today so that I could drive into work early, work out and hit the shower before the business day began. With a few minor hitches, my plan was successful.

I feel pretty good too. My arms are a bit sore and I’m sure I’ll crash hard later, but for now I’m alive and functioning.

I plan on updating you all with my progress weekly. If you don’t see an update related to my mission for better health, it means that I’ve given up and you should berate me fiercely.

Here’s to shrinking my plentiful gut!

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Dear Santa

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Categories: Uncategorized

Dear Santa,

I would like the following for Christmas:

  • A customizable license plate frame (You can get them at Wal-Mart pretty cheap. They have letters so you can spell out your own message. I would like to add to the Punisher Malibu.)
  • An electric razor (Not that I don’t like my Gillette M3 Power, but it would save me some time in the morning.)
  • An iPhone (Yeah, I know, who doesn’t want one?)
  • An extra 3 hours every day (Once again, who doesn’t want that?)
  • My body, circa 1998 (I may have been scrawny, but at least I could walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded.)

I’m sure I could think of plenty of other things, but I don’t want to overload you. Plus, I’m not sure if I fall into the “nice” category, so I may be getting a lump of coal anyway.

Thanks,

Darius

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